Poetry Share (For National Poetry Month)

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Excerpt From Tears from Heaven

The Monster under my Bed 

Today I realized that I have been begging, pleading and praying for the dream, but in reality I am afraid to fall asleep…afraid to close my eyes and allow the vision of predestined peace to visit me, all because I opened my eyes to a nightmare a few times. 

My situation is a symptom and  the root of the problem is me.  All the things that frustrate me because they don’t line up with what is supposed to be…what is meant to be…are a result of walls built and ignored pain felt, tears shed in the dark and thoughts hidden away in my heart…these things are all at the root.

I will not allow myself to walk into the restfulness of peace.  Afraid of the monster underneath my bed.  Afraid that just as I close my eyes and surrender to my guide the creature will rear its ugly head as it has so many times in the past.  Afraid that my visit to the vision, my special viewing of the dream will be disrupted by my own screams.

Crushed as I realize that I am in fact my own enemy.  I am being used as the gatekeeper to hell and sadly I’ve allowed it.  Restless nights, lost battles and “me on me” fights fill my nights.  I’m internally manic-depressive as flesh and spirit fight year after year, day and night. 

Spirit screams the command “Close your eyes to see the big picture.”  Words of wisdom because with my eyes open the ruins are distracting.  Flesh whispers “You will die in this place” while stamping out hope with each word.  Flesh not as loud or profound as the spirit but with my eyes open, I can only hear what I see.

So the FACT is the monster under my bed is me, but the TRUTH of the matter is I have to close my eyes so I can see.